Day 2: Reflexivity

OK, today I want to talk about something specific - mirrors. I know, it seems a boring and pointless subject, but bear with me on this one. I'm stuck in a job I vehemently detest so I try to maximise my 'out of office' time as much as possible. I achieve this in a number of different ways - heading to the other side of the office to have a chat with the people over there, getting myself cup upon cup of water and, the old chestnut, going to the toilet at least twenty or thirty times per day.

I'll bet you're wondering where this is going. Well, it was during one of my toilet escapades when I began to realise how often I looked at myself in the mirror during an ordinary day. That got me thinking - how many times do people check themselves out, make sure their hair has fallen the right way, check for any lipstick stains. I became a lot more aware of people around me shooting glances towards more or less any reflective surface - glass doors, those health and safety Plexiglas posters you get, and even cutlery. Yes, CUTLERY!

What's more, when people look at themselves they are no doubt sparing a thought for themselves. A thought which could last a from a fraction of a second to two or three seconds, to two or three minutes depending on a particular person's level of insecurity. This is disturbing, because after a small calculation based on a few basic and completely possible assumptions, I figured out that the average person spends about 2% of their lives on thoughts of themselves prompted by glances in reflective surfaces. That's not counting general self-centered thoughts brought about as a result of a compliment or insult by someone else, or some other external stimulus. Is it any wonder, then, why society is riddled with raging 40 year old wars?

Everyone is so caught up in their own heads that they couldn't be bothered to think about anyone else. No-one is open to the external world anymore, nobody listens anymore, and everyone thinks they know it all. Think about it, but don't comment on it, I won't be listening....

Day 1: The Friend you Never Want...

Human beings are strange, aren’t they? Always wanting what we can’t have and always, always having what we don’t want. I don’t get it at all. I am a mystery unto myself and I’m sure a lot of other people are too. I like being able to fix people, so all my relationships (or attempted relationships) have been with either socially dysfunctional or psychopathic women. Common denominator here: they all had something about them that needed fixing, and I couldn’t fix whatever that was. How bizarre. About a month ago one of my good friends went through a breakup with her long –time boyfriend and she was in a state. Needless to say, I couldn’t resist her. I fell madly in infatuation with her and told her this in, perhaps, not so many words. This happened because she needed fixing and I knew I couldn’t fix her, no matter how hard I tried. Anyway, I was given the cold shoulder for about three weeks, which acted to bring me to my senses, which in turn acted to remove any feeling I had for her.

Another thing, while we’re on this subject. The whole ’friend zone’ thing so popularised by Friends back in the 90s – it actually exists?! Crap! As a man, I’m completely astonished as its existence goes against everything I’ve believed about male-female relations since I was a snivelling, pimply teenager. It also, funnily enough, puts men everywhere in a very difficult position because if my argument about human nature posed above (wanting and having) is correct, because the concept of a ‘friend zone’ in itself makes the particular woman (or ‘friend’) virtually unobtainable to the particular man. How...on EARTH...are we, as men, supposed to deal with something like that?! A friend who’s a woman is unobtainable and it follows logically that any man would eventually and inevitably want all his female friends in ‘that way’, right? But that doesn’t seem to be the case. I myself have female friends who I wouldn’t go near in ‘that way’ – but, perhaps those feelings are still to come...I doubt it.

I still can’t believe the ‘friend zone’ exists, a point which is well demonstrated in my continued placement of the term ‘friend zone’ in inverted commas. Anyway, back to the point at hand – why, then, aren’t all men everywhere ‘going for’ all the women they know who are their friends? This is serious, people. We have to clear this up now, I’m afraid. I’ve spoken to a lot of women about the ‘friend zone’ and I always get the same, inconclusive answer – it does indeed exist, and it does indeed stop women dating their good male friends. Talk about insulting my intelligence – I know it stops women dating their friends, and everyone, at least on some level, has known of its existence for a long, long time – even me (though, I tried to deny it). I’ve also read a lot about it online; not because I’m sad, but because I’m interested in understanding the foe which has plagued me, and I presume a lot of others, since forever and in a quest to understand people, in particular women for these purposes, better.

Wait, this is sounding sadder and sadder the more I write. Anyway, for my first blog post ever I think it’s just fine. Oh, did I not mention that? Yes, this is my first blog post ever. I'm one of those people who always thought about it, but never actually went through with it - until now. So I think I’m allowed to be sad under these circumstances. Seriously. I am.

I'll stop now that I've given at least someone some food for thought. But consider this: what if the 'friend zone' is just a figment of the imagination? And what if knowing about the 'friend zone' places you in a self-fulfilling prophecy?