Day 101: Rules

Newborn babies are truly free. It's sad that the freedom we experience only lasts an instant, because from the moment we open our eyes for the first time, we begin conforming to external and begin to impose on ourselves internal rules. And that's it, from that moment until the moment we die we are shackled by chains sculpted and forged by ourselves, for ourselves. We are in constant check of ourselves, fuelld by an (often) distorted sense of right and wrong; because we acquire our sense of morality from others (parents, guardians, teachers, peers, friends). We spend so much time and expel so much energy subconsciously conforming; in an endless, drab cycle of doubting and questioning, thinking about our choices, analysing every minute detail of our lives, making sure we follow the 'rules' to give ourselves a sense of pride; to tell ourselves that we're good people, to be liked and accepted by others, to keep ourselves safe in the knowledge that what we're doing is (supposedly) right. This is why we conform. This is our drug of choice; our common vice.

Day 86: Deep Down In Me

I've always been one to hate people trying to change me. I've always stuck vehemently to what I thought was me, and have fought tooth and nail to defend it. I remember when I had my very first girlfriend at 12; we used to write each other 'love' letters. Lying down on the carpet in front of the television at home, pen and green paper in hand, I recall defending my position - writing down in no uncertain terms that I didn't want her to change me and that I was quite comfortable with my being. I was 12! At that early age my every nerve, sinew and impulse was opposed to people changing me. I've been like that ever since and only now, at 27, have I realised that change isn't such a bad thing. Letting people change you (for the better) doesn't make you a weaker person; it makes you a learner. I've discovered that no-one can change what's deep down inside me, because that's mine - all mine. All mine...