Day 137: Wishful Soul

Yesterday I listened to a song and for the first time in over fifteen years I felt the warmth of a tear rolling down my cheek. The song which brought me to this state is called Wish and it's going to be featured on the debut album of an artist who I can honestly call my brother. It made me think that there's hope yet in this world; where we're constantly bombarded by sex, drugs and the aspiration to be better, faster and prettier than the next guy. Mutilation of the soul is what takes place here. The tears I cried were tears of joy in the strictest sense of the phrase. The artist is struggling financially and lives each day not knowing where his next meal will come from and yet he still has the absolute capacity to produce what I can only describe as a soulful masterpiece like Wish. What is more; he is the only person I know (including myself) who doesn't feel the need to be pretentious - he knows who he is and fills each day with twenty-four hours of that person.

The way I see it, identity is the biggest problem facing us today, and it doesn't need to be - we all know who we are, we just choose to withhold, boost or augment aspects of ourselves, mostly for our own gains or out of fear. In fact, right now I'm withholding aspects of myself through the vehicle which is this blog post out of fear. I could be completely honest in any given blog post but that would act to shatter the facade I've put up to the outside world and that, my friends, is the scariest thing I've ever experienced. We hide our goals and aspirations, our histories, our sexuality, our vices, our needs and wants, and essentially who we are for the purpose of staying afloat in our own minds. It's all very disillusioning and it strikes deep at our souls - who only wish for us to live without fear and doubt.

And so my quest now has an added goal - to find my identity and to be my identity. The system cannot break us; we only act to break ourselves, and we have as much capacity to create as we do to destroy, if not more.