Day 12: Life Certificate

So I was browsing throught the BBC News website again yesterday and I came across possibly the funniest thing I've ever read. You know they run a 'diary' regularly where a young professional living in Harare - Esther (apparently, not her real name) - writes about how life really is in Zimbabwe. It's really quite interesting, but yesterday I had to keep myself from bursting into laughter in the middle of the office. I was reading Esther's diary entry - she was giving an account of how someone had been beaten up by a government gang for supposedly supporting the opposition party (MDC). After the gang had beaten him up, they had given him a certificate (signed and date stamped) to say he had been beaten up. He would then be able to produce this to evade further beatings by other government gangs.

I know, it's not funny for the person who had taken the beating, but it's such a ridiculous concept that in hindsight I would be surprised if he hadn't had a little giggle about it. Can you imagine what would happen if some other gang were poised to beat him up. What would he say? "Sekuru, tarisa tarisa! Ndarowa kudara! Ndarowa kudara!" (Roughly translated: "Uncle, look look! I've already been beaten! I've already been beaten!). You know those corny 'learn x language' tapes on which a phrase is said in a native language and a monotonous American man repeats the phrase? I can imagine what kind of phrases would be on a 'Learn Shona (native Zimbawbean language)' tape -

Foreign voice: "Tarisa, ndarowa kudara'
...cue Monotonous American: 'Look, I've already been beaten'

It's just ridiculous. A practice so ridiculous, it's made a potentially deadly situation hilarious! Welcome to Zimbabwe...make yourselves at home...