Day 26: Virtual Hunters

With online dating becoming more and more socially acceptable, I thought I'd give it a go. It is, after all a good way to weed out all the relatively uninteresting women out there (and, as I've recently found out, there are HORDES of them - lifeless zombies who take pleasure in actively draining the dating world of all their interesting thoughts). Yes, I said it! Everyone was thinking it - why would you put yourself on the line and ask someone on a date in real life (which in itself is nerve-wrecking), knowing little or nothing about them, only to find out on the actual date that you'd rather be out with that donkey from Winnie the Pooh? Why? No, you wouldn't - you'd much rather find some common ground with a potential partner, and find out more about them, without going through the pure agony of sitting through drinks with death herself.

I was lucky during my brief stint of online dating; all the dates I went on were quite interesting (yes, all two of them) and even though they amounted to nothing, were good (if expensive) nights out. Let's face it though, there's still somewhat of a stigma attached to online daters; there's something still taboo about it, and I felt the pinch of this stigma when I first started - the secrecy, dodging the questions, the lies about how you actually got that date. I think I spent more time and energy covering up my self-conspiracy to enter the world of internet dating than I spent on actively dating online. No doubt a large portion of the stigma that comes with online dating boils down to one, simple thing - being seen as unable to perform in terms of inter-sex (or intra-sex for some of you) relations in the 'real world'.

As men, we more often than not have to live up to the poor peripheral vision, blood-thirsty, go-getting hunter conception. And if we can't live up to the historical conception that all men are hunters by instinct then we're seen as weak, and not worthy of a second glance. That's why I think online dating is particularly difficult for men to admit having taken part in, because admitting it would raise questions about our sexual prowess. I know I've been guilty on many occasions of asking these questions in my own mind about other people. But I think some men are just not able to approach women face to face and ask them out, while others still prefer online dating because of the ability to screen potential partners before going any further. There are a number of reasons for online dating, a lot of which have absolutely nothing to do with a persons sexual prowess or lack thereof.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that women should more easily be able to admit taking part in online dating. I just think that there's more pressure on women to get married so it's a lot more acceptable for them to indulge in this kind of thing. God, I curse the year Bridgette Jones' Diary came out - now practically every woman over the age of 22 and not in a relationship thinks she's going to end up a Bridgette Jones. The number of online profiles I've seen saying exactly or a variation of the following: "I don't want to end up like Bridgette Jones", or "Bridgette Jones here, come and save me". But I suppose there's a biological reason behind their haste - after all a woman's biological clock starts slowing down after about the age of 35, and bearing children becomes more dangerous the older they get. The point is that the perceived reasons behind a person's choice to date online makes it a lot more socially acceptable for women than it is for men and that, I think, is just unfair.

So, why did I do it? Primarily because I was starting a life in a new country and I didn't know anyone (despite what we all see in the movies, it's difficult to approach an absolute stranger and ask them out on a date without getting mace in your eyes; more often than not relationships start with people you already know or through people you already know), and I'm going to continue doing it because it is, after all, about living life and meeting new people, some of whom you may have a connection with some of whom you may not. Just one piece of advice (for both men and women) from my experience - don't take it too seriously and don't expect to find your one true soul mate, even though that may happen actually expecting it would just set you up for disappointment every time it doesn't happen and make your dates boring. Have fun with it, and don't be afraid of it...half the time nobody cares that you're internet dating, partly because it's more socially acceptable but mainly because chances are they've considered it themselves.